In Progress

Let me take a moment to say that I am in recovery,  I am not perfect and thus please adjust your expectations accordingly.
I have attended a local Celebrate Recovery program for over three years now and the behaviors if you will surrounding my addiction have lessened quite a bit as a result of faithful attendance, More accurately God is honoring my diligence of faithful attendance and thus the work that has been going on is His blessings and grace toward me and my family.  Disciplines doesn’t make me holy but they do keep me there.
Tonight I attended a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting for the second time ever.  It seems as though it will be very pointed in dealing with SA, and I like that.  What I do not care for is the lack of reliance on God to do the healing work.  There is talk of a “higher power” and “God, as I know him.”  I am not judging here, just stating my preference.
For me, my addiction is becoming less about a disease that is out of control in my body like cancer or even a common cold or flu bug. This has been out of control, no doubt. For me the bondage cycle started with my choice to sin and by the grace of God will end with me.  Further it must end with me. My children deserve a father that is respectable and some one to follow not to have to help along the way.
Yes, I acknowledge that I came from a broken home.  I accept that my mother, in her own broken state, shamed me with one side of her mouth for looking at “straight” pornography; while with the other side of her mouth she remained silent. My cousin , and I acted out sexually with each other for years.  She saw it, talked to me about it, and did nothing to stop this.  What a message to send to a son…
Still, I chose to act out for the first time as an adult.  I chose to take the first step beginning the pattern of bondage of looking at and acting out with other guys.  The holes in my heart from not having a respectable, loving father in my home left me longing for just that kind of relationship, a normal father son relationship.  I however looked at it through the eyes of having been accepted and “loved” by another guy, I was hooked.  Much like what I hear about how heroin treats the body and mind, my drug of choice became that exhilaration I felt from the “company” of another male.
More on this later.
Today was a very interesting and empowering day.  This was not a white knuckle day by any stretch.  This day I went out of my house and was tempted by all manner of barley dressed people, and though I was tempted I did not act out.  Immediately the Scriptures I had been reading and working to memorize came blazing to the forefront of my mind.
How can a young man keep his way pure…Thy Word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against You.  Psalm 119
Keep this Book of the Law ever on your lips, meditate on it day and night so that you will be careful to do all that is written in it.  Joshua 1:8
Brothers offer your bodies as living sacrifices holy and pleasing to God, this is your spiritual act of worship.  Romans 12:1
Two books on the must read list if you are interested… regardless of your addiction flavor.  Maybe even if you are being compelled to look for answers for a family member or friend?
“ADDICTIONS” A Banquet in the Grave,  Edward T. Welch
“Out of the Shadows” Patrick Carnes
Incidentally, Carnes is considered by most to be the “authority” on SA.  Welch, however, is allowing a fresh perspective and gives what Carnes does not, the spiritual depth of the Word of God.  Lets face it, Carnes’ wisdom pales in comparison to the Author of Life.  Don’t you agree?
Until then,
Blessings